Suspicion and Suspense

**For those of you who get anxious when reading this type of thing, you have my permission to read the end before the beginning** :)

I found a lump.
It's not a big one and it's not terribly unusual to have one, but it is there nonetheless.
At my annual physical I told my doc and she agreed it should be looked at.
A week later I'm holding a contortionist's stance to maximize the viewing area of my shrinking assets.
Films were taken, looked at, and required more information.

On to ultrasound where we looked the density of the suspicious lump.
The tech couldn't tell and went to get the radiologist.
The radiologist wasn't sure either so a biopsy was ordered.
I'm aware that the progression of tests indicates something abnormal but am also resting in the knowledge that God is good, my age is working to my advantage and I have a less than 20% chance of cancer.
Knowledge aside, it's hard to stop my brain.

As we moved through each test I was aware that the progression indicated abnormality.
If we could've stopped at the mammogram I would have been pretty comfortable with things.
If the ultrasound tech could've found what she wanted- in this case, a cyst- I would've breathed easier.
If the radiologist would've been able to define the mass I could've been less anxious.
So the biopsy follows, 13 gauge needle, 8 samples, soreness and discomfort.
Onward we go towards an answer.
And my brain is going crazy.

What would it be like to have breast cancer at 31?
How would that look for our family?
What are the treatment options?
Will the women in my family be at increased risk because of what I've discovered?
Will I be able to funciton well for my family if I'm on chemo?
Do I let them take both breasts or just the one?
Will I lose my hair? I just got it to the right length with a cute cut and a great perm...


Nevermind that the chances of trouble are slim.
If I was told there was a 20% chance of rain today I would assume it's not going to rain.
But tell me I have a 20% chance of cancer and I'm certain that's what it is.
Oh ye of little faith.

He is big.
When I'm weak, He is strong.
His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Be at rest once more, o my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.


The results are in: no cancer!
Yes, He is good.
And I can rest.