I fancy myself a purveyor of Godly insight at times (oh, how I pray for that very thing!) but often life-altering events are only understood in the After. I now realize my prior post When the Final Chapter is Named was an earthly representation of Teresa's journey. What felt like an entire life chapter was merely the Prologue to her real story: Glory and the Return of All Things Lost. Because in Jesus, that is what "death" is. To die is gain, to live is Christ, are the words of Paul (Phil. 1:21). Never have those words been so profound as in this moment, hours after Teresa took the hand of Jesus and has returned to her original unscarred Glory. The only way to live, to take the next aching breath, is in Christ...our Sustainer, our Joy, or Living Hope. Teresa loved me from the first time she met me. I'd love to say that made me unique, but, in fact, she loved everyone she met. What I DID uniquely receive from her was quick and full acceptance as her son's wife....
Big events lend themselves to contemplation. Our 2nd is graduating on Friday and that has me rewinding and reviewing life today. When I started this blog, I had a baby, 3 year old, and 4 year old. I'd been wife to the most godly, hardworking man for nearly 10 years. My days were dictated by the waking, feeding, diapering, napping, playing, fighting, and bedtime activities of a busy household. I was watching the baby monitor, listening for the next moment I was needed. Limiting artificial colors and flavors, high fructose corn syrup, and sugar. Hiding veggies in hotdishes and creatively naming them things like "Green Hotdish" because somehow they'd eat it then. Couponing to make the budget stretch. Picking up a night shift in the NICU a couple times a week to help the budget work and giving me a purpose outside the household. Babies, Brownies (or cookies), and Blessings. Today my babies are 15, 18, and 20. My man and I have 25 years under our belts. Instead of watchin...
It's been a month since we entered into a land void of Teresa's physical presence. That is not to say her spirit is absent, but the finality of death on this side of heaven is tangible. It is said you move on with time but those words don't resonate with my soul. There's no moving on- rather life continues as if in circles, like a hypnotist's wheel. Each day I'm a little further from the loss but still close enough to touch. And each time, affected, as though at the center again. The necessary, involuntary act of moving forward looks different for each of those who loved and lost. My life before the loss of her (as a daughter-in-love, iteration on daughter-in-law taken from Lisa Harper) was propped by her love, excitement to see her grandchildren, and thoughtful birthday and Christmas gifting. She championed me, celebrated me well for any accomplishments I achieved. I got a card from her every year during Nurse's Week. I felt her pride. However, my life was...
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