Babies, Brownies and Blessings

On our way home from soccer practice, I caught a glimpse of my past that gave me pause. Driving through town we pass our old house. It's right on the main drag and we can't get home without driving by. For the first year after selling, I looked at that house every single time passed it. It was the home that provided the backdrop for the first 12 years of marriage. We celebrated new jobs, college graduation (mine), brought home 3 babies to that sweet little 900 square foot slice of heaven. From the arched doorways to the crowned ceiling, plaster walls and phone cutouts, old hardwood floors tucked beneath nasty carpeting...not a bit of that place was untouched by our family. Tears, sweat, baby puke, big kid puke and TONS of slimy fingers. The current homeowner was in the bay window, washing it as the evening sun shone in. I was transported back in time to the many many times I had washed that window as the western sun shown fiercely, highlighting every finger print, mou...

I had a weird experience yesterday. As I as walking with my neighbor and her baby, a car came around a corner rather fast requiring us to take evasive action. Our road has lots of blind corners and whenever walking it we are on the defensive, watching for cars in front and behind. In a reactive moment, I held my hand up to the car (hand, not finger!) as a gesture to slow down a bit. We continued walking and were commenting that the car seemed to be going rather fast and yikes! In short order, that car returned and a guy in his 20s slowed down to talk to us. Assuming he was lost, I walked over to his window and greeted him. He promptly stated "don't ever hold your hand up to me, I was going the speed limit." Oh. Ok. What followed was a ridiculously disrespectful and just crazy conversation. I responded that we were walking with a baby and it felt like he came around the corner fast. My goal was just to express concern but that's it! He came back wit...

You know how it goes. Sometime in the middle of the week (or towards the end?) your husband says something like "so, what do you want for Mother's Day?" The moment of truth. Should you say something noble like- a day with you and the kids is all I want! Or perhaps something closer to the truth- an uninterrupted shower, meals planned and prepared for me, and maybe a quiet afternoon of solitude? Is one of the answers right and one wrong? Ah the guilt! I opted for honesty and said shower, meals and solitude sound perfect! And if you must, go ahead and get the obligatory hanging basket of flowers. What I didn't really think of was the little ears that were tuned into the conversation until my oldest piped in and suggested paintball tag as an option for the day (sounds like JUST the thing on Mother's Day, kiddo) So did he hear all that I was saying in that exhausted voice of mine? My demeanor definitely suggested some sort of eagerness for a break. Break f...

It feels a lot like emerging from under water to capture a deep breath of air before the next wave hits. Expecting to go back under quickly, you're surprised to find that you actually stay above the surface. Not just for a second, but for a minute, or two. An hour even. This is the evolution of motherhood as you go from diapering, feeding and wiping everything in view to coaching, refereeing and teaching older children. This is the beginning of you returning to YOU. The you that married that man you couldn't stand being apart from. The you that danced in the rain (and didn't care if your glasses got wet and your hair looks awful). The you that was spontaneous and actually had hobbies. The you that didn't mind buying a gift, decorating for a holiday. The you that gets to take a deep breath without being smothered by one of those delightfully clingy children you love dearly but just need to not to touch you...just for a minute?? Ah, the wonder of coming up...

2015 held so many wonderful changes that I find myself smiling as I look back. After 30 years of glasses/contacts my eyes were fixed with LASIK. 10 years after having our first baby, we now have all children in school. 11 years into Brian working evenings (3-11pm) we are starting to see some of the benefits. This past year we asked God to speak into our year and He seemed to be offering" My Gift." Now that could mean so many things. Maybe money? (nope, wasn't that!) Perhaps a day shift for Bri? (not so much) An easy year of parenting? (laughable!!) Instead, we felt that He was offering several different seasons of gifts. Starting with the gift of sight! Not needing glasses has been STUNNING. Truly. I have enjoyed playing with my kids in ways I never have! From swimming to sledding, to throwing footballs and not being afraid of the rain. There has been so much joy and freedom in my eyes being restored to new. No more worries that my glasses will break an...

A couple weeks ago I found myself thinking, "wow, the kids are finally getting easier!" I hadn't yelled much, hadn't had to do the constant refereeing for a change. Maybe this was what normal is and I'd finally arrived? Even as I was thinking it I realized it was probably short-lived. Deluding myself, I was still kinda convinced that I had found some sort of secret recipe and this was here to stay! Funny how we can convince ourselves of just about anything if it's appealing. Tonight is...unpleasant. The yelling started as the kids ran in the house from the bus. It continued (both my yelling and theirs) for the next couple hours. It's happening now. Uffda. Bedtime at 7pm. It's gonna be great. If you're in a great phase, enjoy every minute! If it's not so great, I'm sure it'll end. Sometime. Soon. I hope.

As I sat in my chair at the conference, I was suddenly aware of the woman behind me. She came in noisily, spoke loudly to her neighbor even in quiet times and kept.kicking.my.chair. This was the lady I was going to be sitting in front of for 3 whole days. My heart even made a comment to God that was something like "I'm sure you're going to redeem this some way, or make me like her somehow." I wasn't overly thrilled at the prospect. During worship, I couldn't help but notice her voice. She sang in harmony beautifully and with complete abandon. And it annoyed me. In the middle of a session I was feeling really sore in my  neck and shoulders so I put on my Tension Blend oil. I hear behind me "Oh, that's what that smell is..." Since I've been learning to engage instead of sink away from conflict I turned around and explained my pain and apologized for the smell. She replied with a quick "I hope you feel better". OK. Thr...