He gave me back my worship
As I sat in my chair at the conference, I was suddenly aware of the woman behind me.
She came in noisily, spoke loudly to her neighbor even in quiet times and kept.kicking.my.chair.
This was the lady I was going to be sitting in front of for 3 whole days.
My heart even made a comment to God that was something like "I'm sure you're going to redeem this some way, or make me like her somehow."
I wasn't overly thrilled at the prospect.
During worship, I couldn't help but notice her voice.
She sang in harmony beautifully and with complete abandon.
And it annoyed me.
In the middle of a session I was feeling really sore in my neck and shoulders so I put on my Tension Blend oil.
I hear behind me "Oh, that's what that smell is..."
Since I've been learning to engage instead of sink away from conflict I turned around and explained my pain and apologized for the smell.
She replied with a quick "I hope you feel better".
OK.
Throughout the many session I was learning more about God's heart towards me, the devil's attacks on those who love Jesus, and the way the evil one likes to wound and break us.
And best of all that there is freedom and a way to break and heal those agreements.
We practiced listening to Jesus and praying over each other Jesus' words in small groups, all the while knowing that "redemption is messy" as John Eldredge says, which freed us to pray without worry of irrevocably hosing it up.
So much freedom, so much love.
All the while that weekend I am so aware of this woman behind me.
And now newly aware that I needed to tell her something from Jesus.
"Compliment her singing."
This was not an audible voice but a statement that formed over many hours as I inquired of Jesus what he wanted of me.
"If it feels risky, it's probably love." (John Eldredge)
Oh man, I really don't want to.
She's been so distracting and, ugh, I don't know.
But fine, I will.
Except the opportunity never arose to talk to her.
After the last speaking session we were to all be quiet before God so I decided I'd tell her before we left.
We joined together in worship, the voices of 400 women, as we closed up our weekend in Colorado with our Jesus.
On my knees before the Lord I prayed over and over again..."Jesus, how do you want me to tell this woman?"
"What exactly do I say?"
And suddenly I'm asking "Why does she get to sing and I can't?"
"Why do I have to give you the sacrifice of silence and she gets to harmonize all she wants?"
Wait, where did that come from?
You see, for a few years the devil had whispered in my ear the lie that my worship was distracting,
it was hard for others to sing with, and it was showy, self-focused.
As if that lie wasn't bad enough he also convinced me that truly holy and sacrificial worship would be to not even sing at all.
Since I love to sing so much wouldn't a bigger sacrifice be to worship in silence?
The devil had tried to steal my glory, and had for a time.
The glory GOD had given me!
God gave me this voice, the desire to sing, it was not distracting, IT.WAS.BEAUTIFUL.
And it was missed.
Oh Jesus.
In that moment the agreement that I was distracting and showy was broken.
I rebuked the devil's hold on my song and found freedom to worship in the fullness of God's glory!
It was...breathtaking, heart-pounding, life-giving, and Jesus-glorifying.
I was FREE!
And now I was free to give the compliment to this woman that Jesus put on my heart.
As worship ended we were thrown quickly into a whirlwind of activity as the shuttle buses were loading immediately after for the airport.
I did not get to talk to this woman.
Shoot.
I was finally so ready to tell her now, and had been looking forward to it!
Motion sickness has always been my plight so I had planned ahead this time and put my stuff in the front seat of the shuttle.
I did not want to go down the mountain as miserably as I went up.
As I boarded the bus I looked up at the woman who was sitting down in seat next to mine and who do you suppose it was?
I am not kidding you, IT WAS HER!!
Seriously, how, out of 400 women did this woman end up sitting not behind me, but right beside me??
Oh Jesus, you must really want her to hear this.
With excitement I looked at her and said "oh, I so need to talk to you!"
Her look contained some trepidation and I quickly assured her it was SO GOOD.
Since I don't mind suspense (as long as I'm not the one waiting) I decided not to start the story until everyone had boarded and we were on our way.
Finally, I turned to her and said, "Jesus wants you to know He finds your worship EXQUISITE".
Ah, the joy of giving a gift freely.
And the emotion of a woman who needed to hear those words from her Jesus!
For she, too, had had her worship assaulted.
And Jesus began to redeem and restore her worship as He had mine.
For more info on the retreat I attended go to www.ransomedheart.com and click on Captivating. ((Hugs)), Tember
She came in noisily, spoke loudly to her neighbor even in quiet times and kept.kicking.my.chair.
This was the lady I was going to be sitting in front of for 3 whole days.
My heart even made a comment to God that was something like "I'm sure you're going to redeem this some way, or make me like her somehow."
I wasn't overly thrilled at the prospect.
During worship, I couldn't help but notice her voice.
She sang in harmony beautifully and with complete abandon.
And it annoyed me.
In the middle of a session I was feeling really sore in my neck and shoulders so I put on my Tension Blend oil.
I hear behind me "Oh, that's what that smell is..."
Since I've been learning to engage instead of sink away from conflict I turned around and explained my pain and apologized for the smell.
She replied with a quick "I hope you feel better".
OK.
Throughout the many session I was learning more about God's heart towards me, the devil's attacks on those who love Jesus, and the way the evil one likes to wound and break us.
And best of all that there is freedom and a way to break and heal those agreements.
We practiced listening to Jesus and praying over each other Jesus' words in small groups, all the while knowing that "redemption is messy" as John Eldredge says, which freed us to pray without worry of irrevocably hosing it up.
So much freedom, so much love.
All the while that weekend I am so aware of this woman behind me.
And now newly aware that I needed to tell her something from Jesus.
"Compliment her singing."
This was not an audible voice but a statement that formed over many hours as I inquired of Jesus what he wanted of me.
"If it feels risky, it's probably love." (John Eldredge)
Oh man, I really don't want to.
She's been so distracting and, ugh, I don't know.
But fine, I will.
Except the opportunity never arose to talk to her.
After the last speaking session we were to all be quiet before God so I decided I'd tell her before we left.
We joined together in worship, the voices of 400 women, as we closed up our weekend in Colorado with our Jesus.
On my knees before the Lord I prayed over and over again..."Jesus, how do you want me to tell this woman?"
"What exactly do I say?"
And suddenly I'm asking "Why does she get to sing and I can't?"
"Why do I have to give you the sacrifice of silence and she gets to harmonize all she wants?"
Wait, where did that come from?
You see, for a few years the devil had whispered in my ear the lie that my worship was distracting,
it was hard for others to sing with, and it was showy, self-focused.
As if that lie wasn't bad enough he also convinced me that truly holy and sacrificial worship would be to not even sing at all.
Since I love to sing so much wouldn't a bigger sacrifice be to worship in silence?
The devil had tried to steal my glory, and had for a time.
The glory GOD had given me!
God gave me this voice, the desire to sing, it was not distracting, IT.WAS.BEAUTIFUL.
And it was missed.
Oh Jesus.
In that moment the agreement that I was distracting and showy was broken.
I rebuked the devil's hold on my song and found freedom to worship in the fullness of God's glory!
It was...breathtaking, heart-pounding, life-giving, and Jesus-glorifying.
I was FREE!
And now I was free to give the compliment to this woman that Jesus put on my heart.
As worship ended we were thrown quickly into a whirlwind of activity as the shuttle buses were loading immediately after for the airport.
I did not get to talk to this woman.
Shoot.
I was finally so ready to tell her now, and had been looking forward to it!
Motion sickness has always been my plight so I had planned ahead this time and put my stuff in the front seat of the shuttle.
I did not want to go down the mountain as miserably as I went up.
As I boarded the bus I looked up at the woman who was sitting down in seat next to mine and who do you suppose it was?
I am not kidding you, IT WAS HER!!
Seriously, how, out of 400 women did this woman end up sitting not behind me, but right beside me??
Oh Jesus, you must really want her to hear this.
With excitement I looked at her and said "oh, I so need to talk to you!"
Her look contained some trepidation and I quickly assured her it was SO GOOD.
Since I don't mind suspense (as long as I'm not the one waiting) I decided not to start the story until everyone had boarded and we were on our way.
Finally, I turned to her and said, "Jesus wants you to know He finds your worship EXQUISITE".
Ah, the joy of giving a gift freely.
And the emotion of a woman who needed to hear those words from her Jesus!
For she, too, had had her worship assaulted.
And Jesus began to redeem and restore her worship as He had mine.
For more info on the retreat I attended go to www.ransomedheart.com and click on Captivating. ((Hugs)), Tember
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