Babies, Brownies and Blessings

It feels a lot like emerging from under water to capture a deep breath of air before the next wave hits. Expecting to go back under quickly, you're surprised to find that you actually stay above the surface. Not just for a second, but for a minute, or two. An hour even. This is the evolution of motherhood as you go from diapering, feeding and wiping everything in view to coaching, refereeing and teaching older children. This is the beginning of you returning to YOU. The you that married that man you couldn't stand being apart from. The you that danced in the rain (and didn't care if your glasses got wet and your hair looks awful). The you that was spontaneous and actually had hobbies. The you that didn't mind buying a gift, decorating for a holiday. The you that gets to take a deep breath without being smothered by one of those delightfully clingy children you love dearly but just need to not to touch you...just for a minute?? Ah, the wonder of coming up...

2015 held so many wonderful changes that I find myself smiling as I look back. After 30 years of glasses/contacts my eyes were fixed with LASIK. 10 years after having our first baby, we now have all children in school. 11 years into Brian working evenings (3-11pm) we are starting to see some of the benefits. This past year we asked God to speak into our year and He seemed to be offering" My Gift." Now that could mean so many things. Maybe money? (nope, wasn't that!) Perhaps a day shift for Bri? (not so much) An easy year of parenting? (laughable!!) Instead, we felt that He was offering several different seasons of gifts. Starting with the gift of sight! Not needing glasses has been STUNNING. Truly. I have enjoyed playing with my kids in ways I never have! From swimming to sledding, to throwing footballs and not being afraid of the rain. There has been so much joy and freedom in my eyes being restored to new. No more worries that my glasses will break an...

A couple weeks ago I found myself thinking, "wow, the kids are finally getting easier!" I hadn't yelled much, hadn't had to do the constant refereeing for a change. Maybe this was what normal is and I'd finally arrived? Even as I was thinking it I realized it was probably short-lived. Deluding myself, I was still kinda convinced that I had found some sort of secret recipe and this was here to stay! Funny how we can convince ourselves of just about anything if it's appealing. Tonight is...unpleasant. The yelling started as the kids ran in the house from the bus. It continued (both my yelling and theirs) for the next couple hours. It's happening now. Uffda. Bedtime at 7pm. It's gonna be great. If you're in a great phase, enjoy every minute! If it's not so great, I'm sure it'll end. Sometime. Soon. I hope.

As I sat in my chair at the conference, I was suddenly aware of the woman behind me. She came in noisily, spoke loudly to her neighbor even in quiet times and kept.kicking.my.chair. This was the lady I was going to be sitting in front of for 3 whole days. My heart even made a comment to God that was something like "I'm sure you're going to redeem this some way, or make me like her somehow." I wasn't overly thrilled at the prospect. During worship, I couldn't help but notice her voice. She sang in harmony beautifully and with complete abandon. And it annoyed me. In the middle of a session I was feeling really sore in my  neck and shoulders so I put on my Tension Blend oil. I hear behind me "Oh, that's what that smell is..." Since I've been learning to engage instead of sink away from conflict I turned around and explained my pain and apologized for the smell. She replied with a quick "I hope you feel better". OK. Thr...

I grew up in the paper-shortage era. At least I think I did. Is that even a thing? If it isn't how do I explain why I feel the incessant need to ration paper? What sense does it make that I would feel such anxiety at handing over a handful of paper to my daughter? Even if it is for the 4th time that day. Or tossing a handful of school papers, I kinda get all guilt-ridden. It's not expensive but I feel like I'm handing out gold. I bought 750 sheets of copier paper for $5. At $0.007 I am certain I can afford more than one sheet of paper. Where is all this guilt coming from? Deep down I must think we'll cause the end of the forests if I don't stand watch. I was never one to take a responsibility lightly. Growing up in the 80s and 90s there was quite a hoopla about saving rain forests and trees. I remember getting little evergreen trees to plant on national tree day (what's the actual name of that day?) and feeling like I was really a hero. I wa...

Our BigBoy #1 has always been...strong. There were numerous playdates that ended poorly in the early years due to his...strength. He was the size of a 5 year old at 3 and we encouraged people to think of him as a dumb 5 year old or a really big 3 year old. Behavior management topped our to-do list with him along with providing an appropriate outlet for his aggression. Don't get me wrong, he's a great kid. Just big and strong and LOVES to play. Enter football this past fall. He fell in love! He did nothing but play and practice and was fantastic at it...he especially enjoyed defensive roles. All he would do for hours was throw a football. He got darn good. This spring we fell into Lacrosse and WE (his parents) fell in love! LAX (I've learned that's the abbreviation for the sport) is a fast-paced, contact-filled sport that BigBoy #1 has really improved at in just a few short weeks. The games are 60 minutes and action packed which make it ...

I'm typing without glasses/contacts or any other sight enhancer and I.CAN.SEE! Dumbfounded, overwhelmed, shocked are more my reactions than excited or ecstatic. Partly because it's so weird, partly because it's not perfect yet. Here's the skinny on the last week... Surgery day: Arrived eager and not really nervous. The guy who was ahead of me came out of his procedure a little Valium-tipsy and said it was the "easiest thing he's ever done". Sounds good. Due to a reaction I've had with sedatives I wasn't given my Valium until the doctor was sure I wouldn't cross-react. Once I got the go-ahead I was given the Valium, paid for the procedure and given the rundown on what to expect, what to do in the week to follow, etc. Ten minutes later the doctor was ready for me. My Valium was not. BUT I wasn't nervous and just thought, "eh, it'll be fine. Easiest thing I've ever done." Fast forward just a couple minutes after ...