Babies, Brownies and Blessings

 Big events lend themselves to contemplation. Our 2nd is graduating on Friday and that has me rewinding and reviewing life today. When I started this blog, I had a baby, 3 year old, and 4 year old. I'd been wife to the most godly, hardworking man for nearly 10 years. My days were dictated by the waking, feeding, diapering, napping, playing, fighting, and bedtime activities of a busy household. I was watching the baby monitor, listening for the next moment I was needed. Limiting artificial colors and flavors, high fructose corn syrup, and sugar. Hiding veggies in hotdishes and creatively naming them things like "Green Hotdish" because somehow they'd eat it then. Couponing to make the budget stretch. Picking up a night shift in the NICU a couple times a week to help the budget work and giving me a purpose outside the household. Babies, Brownies (or cookies), and Blessings. Today my babies are 15, 18, and 20. My man and I have 25 years under our belts. Instead of watchin...

 It's been a month since we entered into a land void of Teresa's physical presence. That is not to say her spirit is absent, but the finality of death on this side of heaven is tangible. It is said you move on with time but those words don't resonate with my soul. There's no moving on- rather life continues as if in circles, like a hypnotist's wheel. Each day I'm a little further from the loss but still close enough to touch. And each time, affected, as though at the center again. The necessary, involuntary act of moving forward looks different for each of those who loved and lost. My life before the loss of her (as a daughter-in-love, iteration on daughter-in-law taken from Lisa Harper) was propped by her love, excitement to see her grandchildren, and thoughtful birthday and Christmas gifting. She championed me, celebrated me well for any accomplishments I achieved. I got a card from her every year during Nurse's Week. I felt her pride. However, my life was...

I fancy myself a purveyor of Godly insight at times (oh, how I pray for that very thing!) but often life-altering events are only understood in the After. I now realize my prior post When the Final Chapter is Named was an earthly representation of Teresa's journey. What felt like an entire life chapter was merely the Prologue to her real story: Glory and the Return of All Things Lost.  Because in Jesus, that is what "death" is. To die is gain, to live is Christ, are the words of Paul (Phil. 1:21).  Never have those words been so profound as in this moment, hours after Teresa took the hand of Jesus and has returned to her original unscarred Glory. The only way to live, to take the next aching breath, is in Christ...our Sustainer, our Joy, or Living Hope. Teresa loved me from the first time she met me. I'd love to say that made me unique, but, in fact, she loved everyone she met. What I DID uniquely receive from her was quick and full acceptance as her son's wife....

What do we know about the beginning of the end of one’s time on earth? Do we always recognize it? Is there a pattern it follows, a predictability? Maybe at the very end… but in the middle pages, the book holds a unique set of stories for those fighting for more time before meeting their Savior just yet. My mother in law Teresa’s recent chapters have certainly been full of twists and turns and winding roads. Most of which have led back to Mayo in the last 50 + months. What started as a bizarre and benign form of sinus tumors is ending in an all-out cancerous assault on her body. Four years of surgeries, intermittent scans, an abundance of uncomfortable procedures, and countless (and I mean COUNTLESS) nose/sinus rinses has yielded time, but not a cure.   Now the title of the final chapter has been named: Hospice. As a nurse, I LOVE hospice. As a daughter-in-law… the word provokes an ache… could we wait a decade or two?   The hope of eternity brings so m...

On my way home from work the other day on greasy roads with crammed lanes of weary commuters, I witnessed an interchange that left my heart and mind contemplating desolation. We were all crawling at speeds of 20 mph on the freeway when a red sports car to the right zipped into my lane and then back into the lane she came from. As she pulled back into her lane she rolled her window down to display one beautifully manicured finger. Just the one finger. As I looked around for an explanation I noticed the Prius driver to my right...the driver she must have been trying to get around. He looked confused. I was confused. I wondered what had happened, why she was angry, and kinda hoped she slipped off the road (how bad is that? I had to repent). Then I began thinking about all the hatred and confusion that one-fingered gesture left behind. Now I'm not sure if she had had a bad day, or if he had cut her off, or any other number of precipitating factors had occurred. I do know she was unhapp...

What would you say if I told you you changed my life? That the words spoken, gift given, correction offered, letter written shifted me from one track to another? Would you wonder why I never told you before now? Feel motivated to continue to walk in your glory with the affirmation of your gifting fresh in your mind, letter in hand? There are times we think to share appreciation with those who have made an impact: promotion, retirement, relocation, career change, but those opportunities are so few and far between. Some time ago I decided I wanted to send one letter a week to a person who impacted me: a note of gratitude with observable ways someone had affected or motivated me, or ways I have seen them make a difference. Here I sit, MONTHS later, still roosting on that idea, never yet hatching it. I know there are varying degrees of un-appreciation in every profession- but having only lived the occupation of nurse the last 18 years, I'm going to speak to that. Maybe it was night shi...

Those three little words drove me nuts when my kids were young. Mamas who had been through the insanity of multiple toddlers and were now in the teenage years would often look at me funny when I'd say something like "I bet it will be so much easier when they are older", or if I mentioned my longing for the day when they could at least wipe their own butts. The idea of having a minute that I didn't have to worry that one kid was harming the other, or ingesting toilet water, or emptying out a cereal box on the floor- all made me long for a time in the future. Some moms would smile and nod, commiserate that I was in the labor-intensive years, and don't worry, it'll get better. One day you'll go to the bathroom by yourself again (hopefully without having to worry about the tornado I'd discover due to my 1 minute absence with three creative toddlers running free around the house). They would see the tired eyes, the spit-up stains on my shirt, the le...

I sat down to write for what I knew was the first in a long time. As it turns out, it's been just over a year since I wrote a blog. The last one I wrote, I didn't publish..it was written the end of August 2018. Re-reading what I wrote a year ago stunned me and here's why: I was going to write basically the same thing today! Here I sit, reading the words of my heart from last year and they resonate strongly still...or is it again? I have noticed (through writing and having chats with my husband) that my emotional state seems to be "seasonal". For example, most years in February and March we talk about my man quitting his evening-shift job and getting a new one. In April we want to homeschool the kids so we don't have to deal with calls from the principal. In August it feels like we need parent-kid boot-camp to get everybody back on track...or just get them back in school? And coincidentally for the last 2 years I've felt a little melancholy around...

It was a summer without sports for the boys. Definitely not a popular decision given BigBoy happens to rock lacrosse these days. Being 5'10" and athletically inclined at 12 years old has it's perks. Wonder which side of the family that came from??? How does one come to and stick with the decision to keep a kiddo out of a sport they love and excel at? It's amazing how hard the decision is, even at these really young ages. Even when it's temporary. Here's the scene that launched the decision: Day 2 of an out-of-town-tournament to top off 3 months of running around 3-4 nights a week to get one or two kids to their sports. It's hot. Melting-the-spikes-on-their-cleats hot. You can see the heat wafting from the turf. The boys are playing hard and parents are getting unruly on the sidelines. Parents are yelling to their sons to "get" the kids on the other team. "Push him down, get ON him" Enter expletives. Sitting there, watc...

Dear Young Wife, I hope you are still caught up in the wonder and excitement of being Mrs. So-n-So. I hope you still wake up eager to sip some coffee with your man. I hope you can't wait to be enveloped in his arms when he comes home each day. I hope you still see his good heart, his God-given strength, his sacrifice and his love for you. I hope you haven't gotten caught up in the extras of life and started not noticing or even longing for the ways he usually makes your eyes light up and your heart come alive. If you're married and none of my stated hopes are your reality, don't be discouraged. Life and work and family and busyness are notorious for making us miss each other's hearts. Can I offer some bits of hope and a few suggestions? These were not things I came up with on my own. God put some books, people, teachings and desires in my heart that taught me how to love my husband better. Some taught me not to compare, others reminded me that growth takes...

Ok, I agree the title is a bit dramatic...this isn't quite a miracle EXCEPT that I accidentally created a really good InstantPot soup recipe! Have I mentioned I'm not a stellar cook? (unless hotdish counts!) I'm also not much of a soup girl although as I'm aging  getting older I have found I'm starting to like it. Is it because my taste buds are dying? Or that I'm usually cold? Whatever the reason, soup sounded great today. Pinterest offered me several suggestions but they were mostly slow cooker recipes and I must confess, I am never prepared enough to put together a meal in the morning before work. Kudos to those of you who do, I have so much respect for your ability to plan ahead! I'm working on that... A recipe caught my eye for Slow Cooker Crack Potato Soup  but it was going to take 8 hours. 8 hours! It was 5pm, I only had an hour...time for the InstantPot! I looked through the ingredients and made a few adaptions to make it Instapot-frie...

We all have stories about dental visits. Having a mouthful of teeth that required tons of work, I'm grateful for the experts in this area. I wouldn't be able to work in people's mouths all day so kudos to you dental professionals! I can imagine it's hard being the "dreaded" spot of someone's day...especially when all you're doing is helping! As a kid, the only option we seemed to have for sedation/numbing was nitrous oxide. Most likely that was because we all hated needles so the idea of numbing with a syringe-ful of novocaine stuck into the gum was absolutely out. The whole experience was one of bright lights, ceiling tiles, a walk-man, funny smelling gas, drilling, water, sucking, grinding, pushing, the shadowy form of a white-haired man and unfortunately, pain. My cavities were always huge (well water and no preventive dentist insurance PLUS the massive amounts of chewy candy i consumed as a child, right Mom??) so the process took forever an...

In our kitchen hangs a chalkboard. We put it up with the intent of writing daily or weekly Scripture verses on it so the kids could get familiar with the Word of God, or to write down the house rules...whichever is needed the most at the time! ;) As I was erasing the chalkboard today I noticed something: The words didn't completely erase. The color had wiped off but the words were still noticeable in the right light. The Scripture I had erased were the following verses: Everyone will have to give account of the day of judgement for every careless and unkind word they have spoken. For by your words you will be found innocent and by your words you will be found guilty. Matt. 12:36-37 For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Matt. 12:34b   The irony of the shadow of those words wasn't lost on me and it felt like God was showing me the impact of the words we speak. Once a word leaves our mouths, we can't ta...

Admittedly, I avoid hard plenty in my life. From spending more time in the drive-thru to avoid taking 3 wild ones in for a bagel, to skipping elective school or sporting activities, there are things in life that just "aren't worth it". But raising kids requires me to reframe the idea of "too hard" and remember that I'm growing young adults who will eventually be part of the work force and God-willing, parents themselves! So at times it's important to see the good in the hard and push into those growth opportunities. I can think of many times in the last 15-20 years that myself or my husband have felt like it's not worth the hard. Sometimes we were right, and sometimes the hard found us anyway. The reward at the end of a hard experience is unlike those that are achieved with ease. The sweat of your brow really does reinforce the value of an experience and turns that hard-earned lesson into wisdom. From marriage to parenting, difficulty has...

When you walk into an NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), there are a few things that beg your attention. Ding ding ding, ding ding , coming from any number of rooms at a given time. The numerous bell-like sounds echoing down the hallway, each one a little different. The drum of intentional footsteps of NICU personnel heading briskly to their destination. Phones ringing, the occasional baby's cry, the white noise-like sound of a nasal cannula, the hum of a ventilator, the sound that resembles a steam engine coming from a room where a special ventilator giving 600 breaths a minute is chugging away. Beeping of feeding pumps and IV pumps. To the trained ear, each of these noises means something. You can tell a lot by how quickly the footsteps are coming down the hallway or how frequently the monitor alarms are going off in the room next door. The IV pump that intermittently beeps registers in the back of your mind that the nurse has been administering multiple ...

A good friend is famous for making the statement "Ain't Nobody Got Time for That." You can find it on t-shirts and coffee mugs and memes. The truth of that was evident when the stomach flu hit our house with a vengeance. One by one the kids all succumbed, a couple days apart. The house was cleaned, sheets laundered, Lysol and bleach fumes filled the air. Never before have all three taken turns at this particular illness but it seemed it was going to stop there. Until this mama got up on Monday morning and realized that it was going to be a no-good, very bad day. Off to school they went, back to bed for me. To work went my man for his afternoon shift and shortly after the bus arrived with our 3 delightful children. Had they already been gone for 8 hours?? In the first 2 minutes of trying to parent from my sick bed I realized, ain't nobody got time for this! Why the empathetic sides of these now school-aged children have not developed well as of yet is b...

I don't really know how to dance, at all. I mean, I can manage a slow dance with my man and really enjoy it but, I don't follow well. All the step forward, back, quick and slow, ugh. I'm not so graceful. But THIS morning? I felt like I was fumbling to learn the tango as I was getting the three kids up and out the door! Slow slow quick quick slow... Wake up the middle SLOW Open the door of the little SLOW Get the Big in the shower QUICK Make a favorite breakfast QUICK Urge the little out of bed SLOW Remind Big to be nice to middle SLOW Move middle into the shower SLOW Pick out little's clothes QUICK Grab the burning French toast of the stove QUICK Help little get her clothes on SLOW Continue to quickly move the middle along without prompting an eruption of emotion. Wrap them in hugs (Big turns around in the embrace). And for the grand finale- they made it out the door with smiles on their faces and I stand here applauding! Now where's my m...

Ok, don't hate me but I've already started nearly finished my Christmas shopping. I LOVE buying gifts (and getting them, too, if I'm honest ;) ), and since we've budgeted for them all year, it's fun to start spending that money! If you're like me, you're so grateful to the wonderful men and women who nurture, teach and direct your kids for 40+ hours a week that ANY gift seems inadequately small. So if I can scratch the itch that makes teachers feel loved and appreciated, I'll be tickled pink! Every year I'm stumped on teacher gifts so this year I got a little help from my friends who are teachers (thanks, Facebook!). *Teachers, we know you appreciate anything/everything so don't worry, we don't think you're being picky or ungrateful! :) 1. Gift cards, gift cards and more gift cards Overwhelmingly, this was the most appreciated gift! Whether for practical items like groceries and gas, or pampering items like pedicures and massa...