Boundaries and advance decisions
It was a summer without sports for the boys.
Definitely not a popular decision given BigBoy happens to rock lacrosse these days.
Being 5'10" and athletically inclined at 12 years old has it's perks.
Wonder which side of the family that came from???
How does one come to and stick with the decision to keep a kiddo out of a sport they love and excel at?
It's amazing how hard the decision is, even at these really young ages.
Even when it's temporary.
Here's the scene that launched the decision:
Day 2 of an out-of-town-tournament to top off 3 months of running around 3-4 nights a week to get one or two kids to their sports.
It's hot.
Melting-the-spikes-on-their-cleats hot.
You can see the heat wafting from the turf.
The boys are playing hard and parents are getting unruly on the sidelines.
Parents are yelling to their sons to "get" the kids on the other team.
"Push him down, get ON him"
Enter expletives.
Sitting there, watching our then 11 year old play, something in our hearts broke.
WHY are parents condoning and instructing poor sportsmanship and bad behavior in the name of winning a game?
Aren't they all people, somebody's child, quite possibly a friend?
Not all things yelled by parents had that connotation but far too many did.
Our other kids are stuck watching and waiting and SWEATING all day.
They were good sports, better than we were, in fact.
But I can still picture where we were when my man put the stake in the ground and decided enough was enough.
The bleachers were so scorching we needed to sit on a blanket and umbrellas were our only relief from the sun frying us.
The opposing team wasn't being even remotely good losers and were trash-talking worse than their kids.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Fast forward to early spring when lacrosse sign-ups were happening.
We almost caved in and changed our minds BUT an advance decision had been made.
One that was made during the hard instead of the easy.
Made in the moment of black and white reality instead of the gray of time-faded memories.
I almost convinced my man that we could make it work.
Thank God for His mercies and His reminder of the wisdom of advance decisions and boundaries.
I'm not sure how the summer would have been if we hadn't put a boundary around our time.
Perhaps it wouldn't have mattered.
But I think it did.
There were times I would have MUCH rather just stayed busy running the boys to sports but that wouldn't have been to their benefit.
It would have made certain things easier for me, but what about the strength and wisdom in saying no, even when it's not popular?
Our children need to know how to stand up against popular culture and the norm.
They need to know the importance of placing boundaries around family time, moral values, following God's prompting.
If we, at 38 years old, struggle with that, how can we expect our kids not to?
At times it becomes more about the life skill than the thrill of the momentary achievement.
More about the ability to say no or yes when needed, than being driven by fears of being misunderstood or making the wrong choice.
Very few choices in our lives really are THE wrong one that will mess everything up.
You have power in each moment to ask God where the boundary is.
Make the Advance Decision.
It may be hard but it's worth it!!
P.S. I'm ready for football season to start. ;)
Definitely not a popular decision given BigBoy happens to rock lacrosse these days.
Being 5'10" and athletically inclined at 12 years old has it's perks.
Wonder which side of the family that came from???
How does one come to and stick with the decision to keep a kiddo out of a sport they love and excel at?
It's amazing how hard the decision is, even at these really young ages.
Even when it's temporary.
Here's the scene that launched the decision:
Day 2 of an out-of-town-tournament to top off 3 months of running around 3-4 nights a week to get one or two kids to their sports.
It's hot.
Melting-the-spikes-on-their-cleats hot.
You can see the heat wafting from the turf.
The boys are playing hard and parents are getting unruly on the sidelines.
Parents are yelling to their sons to "get" the kids on the other team.
"Push him down, get ON him"
Enter expletives.
Sitting there, watching our then 11 year old play, something in our hearts broke.
WHY are parents condoning and instructing poor sportsmanship and bad behavior in the name of winning a game?
Aren't they all people, somebody's child, quite possibly a friend?
Not all things yelled by parents had that connotation but far too many did.
Our other kids are stuck watching and waiting and SWEATING all day.
They were good sports, better than we were, in fact.
But I can still picture where we were when my man put the stake in the ground and decided enough was enough.
The bleachers were so scorching we needed to sit on a blanket and umbrellas were our only relief from the sun frying us.
The opposing team wasn't being even remotely good losers and were trash-talking worse than their kids.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Fast forward to early spring when lacrosse sign-ups were happening.
We almost caved in and changed our minds BUT an advance decision had been made.
One that was made during the hard instead of the easy.
Made in the moment of black and white reality instead of the gray of time-faded memories.
I almost convinced my man that we could make it work.
Thank God for His mercies and His reminder of the wisdom of advance decisions and boundaries.
I'm not sure how the summer would have been if we hadn't put a boundary around our time.
Perhaps it wouldn't have mattered.
But I think it did.
There were times I would have MUCH rather just stayed busy running the boys to sports but that wouldn't have been to their benefit.
It would have made certain things easier for me, but what about the strength and wisdom in saying no, even when it's not popular?
Our children need to know how to stand up against popular culture and the norm.
They need to know the importance of placing boundaries around family time, moral values, following God's prompting.
If we, at 38 years old, struggle with that, how can we expect our kids not to?
At times it becomes more about the life skill than the thrill of the momentary achievement.
More about the ability to say no or yes when needed, than being driven by fears of being misunderstood or making the wrong choice.
Very few choices in our lives really are THE wrong one that will mess everything up.
You have power in each moment to ask God where the boundary is.
Make the Advance Decision.
It may be hard but it's worth it!!
P.S. I'm ready for football season to start. ;)
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